(WARNING – RECYCLED POODOO – This is an entry from almost exactly 7 years ago, when the Hyperspace Blogs at StarWars.com were brand new. This was one of my first holiday blog entries…)
Moose Poodoo
by: The Dark Moose
date posted: Dec 21, 2005
I posed this question last year in a message board thread, and I’m not sure the question has been resolved. What with the advent of SW bloggery (no seasonal pun intended), I now have room to lay out my theories in a more comprehensive form.
Let’s look at the Santa facts:
Telepathy:
He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good. But does that a Jedi make?
I mean, yes, let’s get past the creepiness imbued in a being that apparently stalks our entire planet collectively. Taken literally, this seems more geared to an argument to deify Santa Claus, and that will be a rude awakening to be sure if the Pearly Gates are in fact made of peppermint sticks. Cuz that would be weird, and living in a candyland toyshop heaven might start to majorly suck after 3 or so eternities. But I digress.
Taken as more hyperbole, this to me clearly indicates Santa Claus is at least telepathic on a one to one basis. He can sense alertness, emotions, and possible malicious intent.
What this would do for him in, say, a duel with Darth Maul, I’ve got no clue. Somehow, chucking lumps of coal at him and calling him a bad boy seems ineffective. Let’s hope Santa has other abilities.
Speed/Agility:
This rather large man is capable of mad numchuck skillz like nimbleness, speed, dexterity, legendary piloting skills.
“With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles, his coursers they came,
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name..”
I mean…who does that? Anyway, have you ever seen his sleigh? It’s configured like some sort of jacked-up organic podracer.
Not to mention, the Jolly Jedi manages to scoot around the world, to every single household, supposedly in 24 hours. Hyperbole? Yes, I think we’ve again been victimized by creative license. But clearly, he’s known for physical speed, and apparently owns a ship equipped with Hyper-deer.
