Inter-planetary Aggressive Negotiations:
As seen in this photo Santa Claus is depicted as bringing peace and order to the planet Mars. By doing so, he has ended the long-standing plans of Mars to subjugate our unknowing planet. Thanks to Santa Claus, Mars now abides by a treaty with an oblivious Earth. I mean, it’s obvious. They haven’t attacked, have they? You can’t argue with that kind of diplomatic prowess.
Appearance:
His eyes–how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on his chin was as white as the snow.
I direct your attention to the attached photo of Ki-Adi Mundi. Ok, forget about the droll little bow mouth, I don’t think Mundi could smile if he had 20 hamsters in his pants.
But there are obviously some significant similarities. Santa wears a long pointy hat. Think about it. I don’t know what all that means, but hey, maybe Santa is related. Maybe he’s Santa Claus Mundi. Dunno.
Battling Evil:
Likewise, we can see that Santa Claus has done numerous battles with the forces of Evil. Take this flick – aptly titled “Santa Claus”, cuz..like…it’s about Santa Claus.
In this movie, Santa and Merlin (another suspected Jedi alongside Gandalf, Sauron, Dumbledore, and other white-bearded crazy old wizards) battle none other than Satan himself.
And if Satan’s not a Sith, then I’m your aunt’s fruitcake.
Santa Mind Trick:
“A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose…”
Can anyone say “I’m not the Seasonal Icon you’re looking for. You can go about your business. Move along.”?
Other Unexplained Powers:
Just a few of Santa’s otherworldly properties would be levitation, a freakishly maleable frame that allows him to snake through exhaust vents, extreme mechanical aptitude, communication with animals, heightened senses such as eyesight and hearing, and more.
Coupled with his podracing abilities, speed, and telepathy – he’s either one wicked pipedream or he’s totally a freakin Jedi, yo.
So, the question remains…
Is Santa a Jedi?
Dunno. But sumpin ain’t right about the boy.
DM out
