Get out your calculators, everyone.
Speed = Distance / Time
Speed = 299,792,458 meters per second
Distance = approx. 2 meters
2 m / 299,792,458 m/s = 6.67128 x 10 -9
That means Han’s reaction time is roughly seven nanoseconds. If you’re some kind of jerk, you may be thinking, “That’s humanly impossible.” I’m here to tell you I’ve documented evidence to the contrary—namely the rate at which my Uncle Miroslav’s tumbler of whiskey vanishes when my aunt enters the room.
What this establishes is that Han Solo is self possessed enough to anticipate and dodge an assassination attempt the way you or I would shrug off a fly. If you’re intelligent, which is what I expect of my readers, you’ve probably already asked yourself the next question: “How is it that Tomislav is single?” But we’re doing science right now, so I need you to keep your burning desire in check for another couple minutes.
The other next question is: “What about the flexibility and sheer physical strength necessary for Han to move that quickly?” While it’s impossible to draw detailed conclusions in this area, I’m going to speculate that Han Solo has extra vertebrae that enable him to bend his torso at a nearly 90 degree angle. If that’s the case, it’s entirely possible that Han can spin his torso so that he’s facing 180 degrees opposite the direction his feet are pointing. As yet the authors of the Expanded Universe have neglected to exploit this fact, which is forgivable when you take into account that the hardest science an EU author ever does is experimenting with different combinations of antidepressants and cough syrup. As long as somebody corrects this omission quickly I won’t even demand credit for the idea. Plausible explanations for Han’s extra vertebrae: Han is a mutant or has had surgical modification to improve his agility. Alternatively, Corellians have evolved such adaptations after generations of separation from the rest of humanity. I think we can all agree that any of these explanations makes Han Solo more awesome, not less.
Some naysayers will consider my conclusions strange. But you want to know something even stranger? I do physics problems about Star Wars but I still get invited to parties. Suck it, Curtis Saxton.
