Handrails and Houseplants

(WARNING – RECYCLED POODOO – This is an entry from just before the release of Episode III, when the Hyperspace Blogs at StarWars.com were brand new. This was my second blog entry…good times…)

Moose Poodoo
by: The Dark Moose
date posted: May 18, 2005 1:56 PM 

On this Star Wars eve as I and the countless sweaty masses await the blessed event, I say to myself, I says:

Self – ask not what Star Wars can do for you. Ask what you can do for Star Wars.

So since George Lucas and I are about as tight as two peas in a galaxy, I thought I’d give him a few helpful tips. I think it will become clear that hey – I know what I’m doing.

1) Firstly – 1 word – handrails. The Death Star had to be one of the most unsafe environments this side of the Rishi Maze. Aside from an odd proclivity to turn inside out and hurl it’s fiery contents into space, you’ve got like 14 cavernous chasms of inestim..interestimab..inestimabiable….really deep depths. And no safety equipment. It just takes one time for TK-421 to bend over and tie his shoes and whoomp – he Wilhelms because a mouse droid bumps his tuckus. And then you’ve got yourself a realy nasty call from the Lawyer Guild.

2) I’ve always felt that it would have given Palpatine a little more warmth if he has some houseplants. Maybe behind his chair, you know, to fill in some of the dead spaces in his throne room. I don’t know about you but he kind of came off being a little…I don’t know..just not very warm. Give him a couple of ferns and a ficus I think he’d be way more likeable.

About The Dark Moose 17 Articles
The Dark Moose is an administrator on the Port Haven Forums and a regular contributor to Port Haven Magazine. He gained internet fame as a moderator and blog contributor on StarWars.Com. He is currently being treated for his addiction to pineconez at an undisclosed location. Or not.